On the difference of Myself from Myself - Ambrose Serle

"LORD, how variable a creature am I! Unstable as water, changeable as wind, different as the weather, when I am left, in any instance or degree, to myself. One of our English kings, from is slackness, was called the unready; and the same name, with respect to my best concerns, will too often serve for me.

Sometimes I have a fair day of comfort and hope; but the clouds come on again, and gather blackness over my soul. Suavis hora, brevis mora: Short and sweet was the hour of my spiritual delight; but the time of my dullness and drooping has been frequent and long.

Blessed be your name, O Lord, that my real state with you does not depend upon my vigor, liveliness, and constancy, but upon those only sure grounds, your faithfulness, mercy, omnipotence, and truth. Whatever I am or may be in myself, you are and will be always the same, and always the same to me.

The time, or rather the eternity, is at hand, when my state will be unchangeable, and my frames will be unchangeable too. The crowns of glory cannot fade; nor those, who wear them, alter or decay. I shall both know, as I am known, and in all things shall be like to my immutable and glorious Savior, when I get into his kingdom.

Why then should my present variations distress me? I live not by them, nor for them, but upon a higher principle, and for a more exalted end. This is the time of faith, in which I must wrestle, and labor, and strive against all the disadvantages of an evil nature and an evil world: and I am to look for strength from Christ, who will be honored in my weakness and deficiency, which compel me to give up myself incessantly to him. He is engaged to preserve me by his own oath and unchangeable covenant; and therefore, come fair, come foul: let me have either comfort or sorrow: all must be well at the last, for he has promised, and most assuredly will give me, a safe and abundant entrance into heaven." - Ambrose Serle